Giving Sasuke Coffee
by Tesswithwings
Summary: What happens when you give Sasuke coffee? read this and find out! one shot T for language


Giving Sasuke Coffee.

Have you ever wondered what would happened if you gave the quietest most self centered ninja, Sasuke Uchiha, coffee, well you don't have to wonder any longer because I took that chance and gave him coffee. This is what happened.

"Hey Sasuke Kun… drink this" I said and handed him a cup of coffee.

"What is it?" he asked eyeing the drink.

"Its good trust me," I said.

"Okay…" he said and started to dirk the coffee. He drank it quickly despite its warmth. When he finished off the cup and handed it back.

"So how do you feel?" I asked

"Fine why? You didn't drug it or anything did you?" He asked.

"No Sasuke" I said and rolled my eyes.

5 min latter Sasuke started to act a little twitchy.

"I. Feel. Funny." he said

"Can I ask you a few questions?" I asked ignoring his twitching eye.

"What is it!" he yelled.

"What do you think of Naruto?"

"NARUTO! He is short and loud, and his voice hasn't changed in like ever, I don't think he went trough puberty yet. And he has whiskers on his face like a kitty! MEOW! And he always is saying BELIEVE IT! Well I don't believe it what ever IT is. AND his fashion sense, he is supposed to be a ninja right? Well what kind of ninja wares bright orange when he is supposed to blend in with his surroundings " Sasuke ranted on and on.

"Okay what about Sakura?" I asked laughing.

"SAKURA! Well she has a HUGE forehead I mean its massive! You could put advertisements on it like a billboard and everyone in the world would see it. And her voice is sooo squeaky. Not to mention she is crazy over me! Its annoying as shit! And she never does anything on missions she just stands there with her arms spread out"

"How bout Kakashi?"

"Kakashi is a pervert! I read part of the book he reads and OH MY GOD its just wow! And his hair is CRAZY! It's so poofy and silver so he is an old man… he is an old man perv that's worse! Does that make him a pedo? What I don't understand about him is why he wares a mask. I have a theory that its cuz he is ugly!" Sasuke said

"And Kiba?"

"Kiba is a dog literally! It wouldn't surprise me if he at dog food and peed on fire hydrants. MAYBE HE HAS FLEAS! I wonder if he gets along with the mail man" Sasuke pondered then started to bark like a dog.

"Orichimaru?" I asked

"Ugh! Snake man EW well Orichimaru is a creeper. He only wants me for my body! But I cant blame him I'm hot. His tong turns into a flipping snake how gross is that! He is a creeper I mean what kind of sick-o summons the DEAD Hokages that's just wrong!"

"Shikamaru?"

"LAZY! He never does anything with out complaining its always what a drag this or what a drag that. And he is sexist, he thought fighting girls sucked and he gave up on fighting Temari. He is supposed to be really smart but he is a dumb ass!" he said and stretched the world "really"

"Gaara?"

"Scares the hell out of me! I think he keeps kitty litter in his gord that or meth. And he uses eyeliner, like omg oh la la" Sasuke said and did the "gay hand"

"Ino?"

"Fan girl… her name means pig! Who in the world would name their kid pig! Maybe that's why she is anorexic. But she is better than Sakura, but not by much. And she is crazy, the reason she can't get a boy friend is cuz she is to demanding!"

"Okay… Choji"

"FAT ASS! He eats too many potato chips. And his human bolder is just him getting fatter. You know how he says he needs food to keep up his charka I think it's just an excuse to eat more… can you say oink oink" Sasuke said

"Hinata?"

"SQUIRREL!" Sasuke yelled looking away before continuing. "She is a stalker! She fallows Naruto around all the time. And she has the byakugan so she can see through cloths… need I say more! I think not!"

"What about her cousin Neji"

"Show off and Debby downer! He says you cant change your destiny crap well he is full of crap! Oh and he has the byakugan too right… well I think he looks at Lee the same way Hinata does Naruto if you catch my drift." Sasuke said

"Speaking of Lee"

"Oh don't get me started on Mr. sparkle! He dresses just like his Guy it's scary! I have to shield my eyes every time those two walk into the room. I think he gets a little to close to his sensei if you get what I'm saying."

"You haven't said anything about Shino so lets have it" I encouraged.

"Bug boy! He as ants in his pants hehehe he is spider man! He spends all his time looking for bugs and that why he can get a date, no girl wants to hold hands with a boy who plays with dung beetles all day." Sasuke said.

"What about Konkuror"

"He plays with dolls. I'm not sure if he is gay or just lonely. And what kind of SAND ninja where's a full black body suit in the middle of the friking desert I mean come on! And I think he gets into Temari's make up cuz he has purple shit all over his face"

"And his sister?"

"Temari, well like Shikamaru said she is to spunky! And she has that big assed fan, why does she need a fan that big, no one need that big of fan. She is the oldest so why didn't she get the cool demon thingy. I dunno" Sasuke said.

"Is there anybody that you do like?" I asked

"Hmmm I like… ME! I'm too sexy for my shirt; too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts! OW!" Sasuke said and broke into song.

And that's when I walked away leaving Sasuke to sing to himself. Two lessons for today class, 1 Sasuke thinks very highly of himself and 2 never EVER give him coffee.


End file.
